im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
