My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
