I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
