I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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