my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
