I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How does one acquire holy water?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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