i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
