Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
