question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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