Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
