Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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