O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just found puke in my bra..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
