I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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