there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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