My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
