so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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