I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Your penis caused this!
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