I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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