I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
