That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
