if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
