shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
