even my farts smell like vagina
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
