Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
