you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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