You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
