When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
