Are we in a gay sports bar?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
