he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
