You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
