You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
