If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
