how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize