what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
