Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
