dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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