Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
