Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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