we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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