He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
