Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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