The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
