I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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