Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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