I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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