I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
