Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
