you would pick up someone in the library
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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