Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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