i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
