First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
