just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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