dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize