don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
