Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
