i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
