im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
