dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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