yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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