haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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