i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
