Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
