I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
