I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize