funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
