I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
