My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
