Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
