I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
