Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In America we eat man semen.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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