Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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