There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
