i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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