I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
