I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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