I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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