Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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