do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
